Mommy Guilt:Just the topic makes my head nod in agreement and make me go in a pensive mode।And I could place a bet that almost all the mommy's in the world would do the same for it!!
Last Monday I had a dream
"My son Akshaj was there and my in-laws (who stay with us to take care of him) and maybe maybe not my husband was also in it..I am not sure where was I but there ,somewhere lurking in the background..And I heard my mom-in-law say to somebody ...that his(Akshaj's) mom is no longer there with us ... and there was I even in my dream listening to this ..it was not that anybody was crying or unhappy ..just it was a matter of fact "
I can say I have never felt such a profound mommy guilt or rather any kind of guilt ever close to this .. why you may ask so ??
Well it so happened a day before I had left home for some work leaving a uncontrollably crying son behind
I have had fair share of guilty trips in my 2 years of mommyhood ..but none that I could not overcome or accept
Like when Akshaj was born prematurely in 35th week and kept in incubator ,when I had to start giving him formula in 4th month and even now when I hear from his doc that his eyesight is weak because of born premature :I can reason myself to believe that I did everything I could to take proper care of myself and did as my doc told
when he fell from bed first time or when he fell sick the first time :At first I foolishly thought I
would never let him fall again।But quickly I realized it happens and its OK.And I have come to accept my minor heart attack like moments I go through when Akshaj shoes how many different kind of stunts he can pull of with 2 year old brain of his .and numerous others like that
But this mommy guilt....seeing him cry every morning when I leave for office ..when everyday I have to break free of his hug and explain to him mummy has to go to office ..is really taking a toll on me .. what' funny is this is quite a recent change in him...earlier he never used to cry so much seeing me leaving ..
One of the main reason why I am not able to get away with this mommy guilt is that earlier whatever problem came I am sure I did what was best I could do ..but this time I am not so sure ..
I love working and can't imagine being limited to house ..this is not because I am a very career
oriented women...but just that I love my space..and love the money (howsoever less)I am getting..I have always seen my mom working ..I never had problem with that ever
But now I have started thinking am I doing the right thing by working ॥ and there are 2 reasons(although related) of why I am thinking this..which is ..
1) everybody says that first 3 years of baby's life are very important and they have a bearing on rest of their lives." Not sure if it is true but heard enough to think about it
2)I cannot read Akshaj's mind or heart for that matter to know for sure how much he is affected by it....sometimes I feel he is just OK but sometimes I or rather we all feel somewhere in his mind he is now scared of me leaving him and keeps clinging to me when I am there
So how can I judge what is right for him...still thinking. Don't know if I will be successful in overcoming this mommy's guilt which has become a part of so many working women's life !!
Have my finger's crossed and hope for the best !!
Mommy Guilt--This is my entry to "Mommy Guilt" Contest started by "womensweb"
6 comments:
hmmm I grew up with a working mom like and franly I dont have any memories left of her going to school and me crying... the memories that are left with me are the ones of those lovely times we had when we spent time together...
I dont think working on non-working is an issue as long as u are able to cope with work and him together...
I lost my job and then decided to spend time with him as I already had a break, if I was working would I have quit? may be not?
the thing is to do what ur heart says... and in which u are able to spend some quality time with him when u are at home...
u know mommy guilt is not so bad as it is made to be, it makes u think and hence act sometimes...
hugs and best wishes.. let the guilt go and the action take place instead
@Monika,
when I am at home all the time is spend with him only ..he makes sure of that :-)
Yeah u r right what u r saying ....letme give it some more thought..anyway Akku's babu is back and he sure is having fun with him
I totally agree with Monu :) I think its what works out the best for all of u as a family :) My Mom's been working and I don't think there was one instance when she was not there when we needed her :)
@swaram
yeah swaram same is the case for me..I never had any prob with my mother working ..but Akshaj right now is too young to make a opinion on that
That was such a heartfelt-post, Vandana.
I agree with Mon here..working or not working is not the issue..its what works for you best. I quit my job to be a full-time mom because I didnt think I could manage work and home together. But I have many many friends who are working moms doing a brilliant job handling both. So its really what suits you best and what you want and makes you happy.
As for mommy guilt its something that every mommy experiences I think :)
Beautiful post!
@deeps,
yeah I agree with you..till now it was smooth sail for me too working + home ..only now I am finding it little difficult
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